“Stop feeling ashamed of your experiences and ashamed of who you are. Every part of you is on purpose and you came here to Earth for a reason. Your stories are medicine and they need to be shared,” I tell myself, as I’m struggling with the courage to write this article. I’m struggling to find the courage to be myself.
The struggle comes from the lies I’ve told myself and others about who I am, unable to accept reality. If I had been 100 from the jump I wouldn’t have to struggle to come clean. But to be 100 would have been impossible. This is the first time in history when once and for all we are all free to be ourselves. For better or for worse. Judge me for what I’m about to share with you if you must, just don’t forget this is a true story of sexual assault and healing and an opportunity for you to open your heart and your mind.
I’m 34 now. When I was 27, working as a stripper in Atlanta, I got raped by a stranger that I had already consented to having sex with. I had met him in the club that night and left with him to go have fun and make money. I had a slow night in the club and he was handsome and rich. It seemed like a win win situation until it became a rape I couldn’t tell anyone about. He didn’t want to wear a condom which I requested so he held me down and had sex with me without one. I can’t tell you whether I screamed or cried out loud in the moment but I can tell you that sometimes I still hear the screams inside myself. I didn’t want to remember the part where he tried to pull a gun on me and I sped off, in the car I bought with my sugar daddy money, before he could.
It’s a bitter, bitter, hateful, horrible feeling to receive a sexual touch with a violent and abusive intention. What’s worse is knowing it would have been a murder or at the very least an armed robbery if my rapist had his way. What’s worse is knowing this happens every day to people of all ages and all backgrounds in all sectors of society, with the most vulnerable of all being most at risk. I had been sexually assaulted before but not like that. It was the worst time, that I remembered at the time, the time I felt the most violated. It started me on an intensive healing journey which has since become a career for me, helping survivors heal. It’s my passion to heal the deep wounds we carry on the inside. I didn’t have the option to go to…